Today was one of those days where you acknowledge early on that writing simply cannot be your primary focus, and you just roll with it. I slept late, was out running errands for a couple of hours, and now that I’m home still have yet to eat or do other non-writing essentials that have to take priority. I’ll try to get my writing in later tonight, after I have an at-home date. 🙂
However, today also happens to be the first Wednesday of the month. In addition to being a date night and our cat Kinnie’s birthday, it is also “Insecure Writer’s Support Group” day, I very recently learned, a day when “Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak.” I added myself to the list and will visit other participants later today.
Today, I’d like to talk about thinking. My brain does not shut off. Ever. I have trouble sleeping because it doesn’t power down, or even relax…it just keeps going, and my only real choice is to attempt to direct it towards topics that distract me just enough that I can fall asleep without realizing it. Like long division, or character names.
Besides sleeping, though, it also causes problems with my writing. I don’t write well when I over-think it, but I don’t know how to think just the right amount. So when I wrote yesterday, and far exceeded my own goal for the day, I did so by not thinking about it. I mean, obviously I thought about what I was writing, but I refused to allow myself to think about what I was writing in any larger context.
I didn’t plan the next scene. I didn’t even consider the next scene until I was staring at the blank space where it needed to begin. And I tried not to look back at what I’d written before, because I don’t need to second-guess myself so soon. I feel like I can only do this if I trick myself into writing. It’s the writing version, I suppose, of putting your sneakers on while reassuring yourself that you don’t have to go for a jog, you’re just putting your sneakers on in case you decide to do so.
My worry now is that if I miraculously manage to keep up this strategy, I may have an actual draft by the time I am done. This will be a first, and an amazing one at that. But if the only way I can write is without facing it head on and deciding what should happen, then how can what I write be any good at all? What if I finish my first draft ever and can’t imagine making anything good out of it because I can’t write and think at the same time?
That’s my concern at this moment. Thanks for reading!
Today’s word count: 2,116
Total word count: 6,247
Today’s excerpt: When Audrey met Mel, the connection was immediate. Their power simply wanted to meld together, as though they weren’t people of their own who could choose for themselves. She had never felt at ease with someone so quickly.
You can read more about the IWSG, which I found through my Camp NaNo cabin, by clicking the banner above.